As Joe and I are praying about expanding our family, I can't help but think about those dreaded days that people don't seem to talk much about. The days when you come home from the hospital and you expect everything to be just as you see on TV, or on your favorite blog or news feed.. days full of bliss, butterflies and perfectly posed babies in their plush blanket-buckets... but instead you find yourself crying uncontrollably in the corner for absolutely no reason. Your baby is screaming and wont latch on and all you want to do is crawl in a hole and never come out... 

Yes, lack of sleep always plays on peoples emotions. but this pain is deeper, darker and for some reason it is kept on the 'hush hush' in the world of mommies. this pain is known as baby blues {postpardum} and Im here to tell you its REAL its SCARY and IT WILL PASS!

I can honestly say that i had a very hormonally normal pregnancy. Of course i had the occasional blow out on my sweet helpless husband, but for the most part I was able to hold it all together. I had no reason to expect what was to come when we brought our baby girl home. To put it lightly, I just couldn't stop crying. Here I was with this precious new life and I felt like my world was coming to an end! and between you and me, there were days I wanted it to be the end. All the blog post I kept reading said after three months everything started getting back to normal and they were finally out of the clouds... THREE MONTHS!!!???!?! I didn't think i was going to make it to 3 o'clock! and then, what was supposed to be an encouraging google search, lead to another desperate text message to my husband, begging him to come home while i sat in a puddle of my own tears... 

...That leads me to the precious men that God gave us... oh boys! We are thankful for your patience! Frankly I was fearful i might become a single mom! (not really) but poor Joe was absolutely clueless, helpless and frankly he was just confused! Where did his wife go, and who the heck is this crazy woman raising his child?? And as wonderful as joe is he wasn't the best "girlfriend" with a shoulder to cry on. So girls, if you man seems distant, i promise he will come back. They are just men and more often than not, they try to avoid crazy-women drama as best they can.. even if it involves your newborn baby. 

So here are my thoughts. When Godly men and women bring a child of the Lord into this world, with intentions of raising them in a Christ honoring family, what more could fuel Satans fire of destruction?? Ten months of hormones are raging out of you at one time and what better time to prey on your weakness!! DO NOT LET HIM WIN!! God is stronger and more powerful than Satan at his very best! But here is the kicker.. I am realistic and I experienced this first hand. Just because we are absolutely certain of these truths doesn't mean that we always FEEL them right away! This is where constant prayer, fresh air and a good girlfriend or mama comes in handy! Go outside! If you can only make it to the end of the block, that's great! It took me about 2 weeks to go any further (and sometimes i cried and sang my way back to the house) but it helped pass ten minutes! 

Take each day hour by hour and if you have to, minute by minute. Turn on your favorite song and sing it as loud as you can (don't worry about the babe, they need to get used to loud noises and your AMAZING singing voice)

Now all this being said, I don't write this to scare you or discourage bringing these precious blessings into the world. I have had plenty of friends that experienced the instant bliss of mommyhood and am so thankful they did not have to go through the blues! But if you do encounter these emotions, i want you to know you are not alone and there are people here to help you through it! And NEVER be too prideful to call your doctor and ask for help! 

So when you are up at the wee hours of the morning looking at facebook/instagram of all your friends out having a good time or you see the perfectly lit picture of a smiling baby and wondering why yours wont stop crying (or you wont stop crying), just remember these moments will pass! I can't tell you how long, but take a deep breath. Your baby will latch, they will roll over, they will always hate tummy time, they will smile, you WILL have another date night, your body wont look like this forever and your world isn't over.. Its only just beginning!    XOXO

{my incredible support system, i couldn't do it without them}

the perfect family

I have been wanting to write about the curse of comparison for a while. I believe it is the root of many many emotional discomforts and extremely prevalent in our social media society! From the baby that smiled perfectly with a sunset behind her flowing hair, or the late night dance party that you missed because you were up at 2am (and 4am and 6am) feeding your screaming newborn... we look at it all and secretly wish that was us. We love what we have, but we also want what they have. Now, I will be the first to admit, I post REALLY cute pictures of my baby girl and you can bet your butt that I didn't put up pictures of me when I thought I looked mega-pregnant and bloated. (this may be why many of you didn't think I gained 62 pounds.. I did, you just didn't get to see it) those photos are for my eyes only. (and motivation for my next pregnancy) 

I could sit here and try to express my thoughts about comparison but I think you will enjoy a post by a dear family friend of mine over on her blog. She couldn't have put it any better! Please please jump over and read it. I'll be here when you get back.

So here is my list of "I don'ts" 

-I don't unpack the day I get home from a trip

-I don't wear matching socks

-I don't do email

-I don't listen to voicemail

-I didn't make my 8 month old an Easter basket

-I wear my toenail polish till it grows out 

-I'm not proactive

-Things don't have "a place" in my house

-I don't have a clean car

-I'm not an organized person. PERIOD

-I don't always wash my hands every time I use the restroom. Sorry, 

    but I think I'm relatively careful when going, if I'm not, then I wash

-I didn't "just lose the baby weight" like they say (I've worked for every lb)

-I am not career driven (although I do considering raising children a full time job)

-I don't eat salads just to avoid calories

-I don't have self control when I have a zit ...POP

-I don't grow my own vegetables and herbs

-I don't think queso is bad for you

Now all that being said, I do believe in the power of building yourself up. Especially after waisting an hour (or two) comparing your life to that of the facebook/instagram world.

So here is my list of "I dos"

-I do have great hair

-I did go all out on my nursery

-I do capture cute moments on my camera (but thats what they are, moments, 

    not a video of my screaming, pooping, non-concealer wearing days)

-I do cook dinner for my husband during the week (most nights)

-I do have a morning routine (but nothing that compares to my sisters.. ugh, there I go again, comparing.. grrr)

-I'm ok with eating my words.. most of the time

Embrace what you don't do, love what you do do. Look for the beauty in the creativity of others and humble yourself daily. No one has the perfect life, job, baby or husband. Encourage and be honest with each other because thats what we all really need. xoxo

WHAT ARE YOUR DO'S AND DON'TS?