Well, we did it! Our first year as parents is under our belt! Constant trial and error, new ideas, change of plans, questions asked, and failed attempts... but we did it! and to be honest, Im pretty proud! 

Our hearts are flooded and overjoyed with emotions each day as we watch our baby girl grow. new words, new giggles, new discoveries. the look on her face when she succesfully stacked all five cups, or realized that putting one foot in front of the other could get her closer to the "pup, pup, pup." The way she spreads her arms for me to pick her up after her nap.. its like her little wings are waiting to fly! 

The love she has for her dadda warms my soul. Each day when that door opens, she drops what she is doing and books it as fast as she can on her knees, screaming "dadda, dadda, dadda!!" 

Baby girl, your curiosity and energy bring bliss to our lives.. so heres to our lover of books, animals and the outdoors.. 

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY SADIE BRAY!!!

and then, i just couldn't resist....

this is baby girl the day we brought her home from the hospital.... and 12 months later

we love you with every single ounce of our hearts. 

{and this was the reality of the photo shoot... keep it real my friends}

As Joe and I are praying about expanding our family, I can't help but think about those dreaded days that people don't seem to talk much about. The days when you come home from the hospital and you expect everything to be just as you see on TV, or on your favorite blog or news feed.. days full of bliss, butterflies and perfectly posed babies in their plush blanket-buckets... but instead you find yourself crying uncontrollably in the corner for absolutely no reason. Your baby is screaming and wont latch on and all you want to do is crawl in a hole and never come out... 

Yes, lack of sleep always plays on peoples emotions. but this pain is deeper, darker and for some reason it is kept on the 'hush hush' in the world of mommies. this pain is known as baby blues {postpardum} and Im here to tell you its REAL its SCARY and IT WILL PASS!

I can honestly say that i had a very hormonally normal pregnancy. Of course i had the occasional blow out on my sweet helpless husband, but for the most part I was able to hold it all together. I had no reason to expect what was to come when we brought our baby girl home. To put it lightly, I just couldn't stop crying. Here I was with this precious new life and I felt like my world was coming to an end! and between you and me, there were days I wanted it to be the end. All the blog post I kept reading said after three months everything started getting back to normal and they were finally out of the clouds... THREE MONTHS!!!???!?! I didn't think i was going to make it to 3 o'clock! and then, what was supposed to be an encouraging google search, lead to another desperate text message to my husband, begging him to come home while i sat in a puddle of my own tears... 

...That leads me to the precious men that God gave us... oh boys! We are thankful for your patience! Frankly I was fearful i might become a single mom! (not really) but poor Joe was absolutely clueless, helpless and frankly he was just confused! Where did his wife go, and who the heck is this crazy woman raising his child?? And as wonderful as joe is he wasn't the best "girlfriend" with a shoulder to cry on. So girls, if you man seems distant, i promise he will come back. They are just men and more often than not, they try to avoid crazy-women drama as best they can.. even if it involves your newborn baby. 

So here are my thoughts. When Godly men and women bring a child of the Lord into this world, with intentions of raising them in a Christ honoring family, what more could fuel Satans fire of destruction?? Ten months of hormones are raging out of you at one time and what better time to prey on your weakness!! DO NOT LET HIM WIN!! God is stronger and more powerful than Satan at his very best! But here is the kicker.. I am realistic and I experienced this first hand. Just because we are absolutely certain of these truths doesn't mean that we always FEEL them right away! This is where constant prayer, fresh air and a good girlfriend or mama comes in handy! Go outside! If you can only make it to the end of the block, that's great! It took me about 2 weeks to go any further (and sometimes i cried and sang my way back to the house) but it helped pass ten minutes! 

Take each day hour by hour and if you have to, minute by minute. Turn on your favorite song and sing it as loud as you can (don't worry about the babe, they need to get used to loud noises and your AMAZING singing voice)

Now all this being said, I don't write this to scare you or discourage bringing these precious blessings into the world. I have had plenty of friends that experienced the instant bliss of mommyhood and am so thankful they did not have to go through the blues! But if you do encounter these emotions, i want you to know you are not alone and there are people here to help you through it! And NEVER be too prideful to call your doctor and ask for help! 

So when you are up at the wee hours of the morning looking at facebook/instagram of all your friends out having a good time or you see the perfectly lit picture of a smiling baby and wondering why yours wont stop crying (or you wont stop crying), just remember these moments will pass! I can't tell you how long, but take a deep breath. Your baby will latch, they will roll over, they will always hate tummy time, they will smile, you WILL have another date night, your body wont look like this forever and your world isn't over.. Its only just beginning!    XOXO

{my incredible support system, i couldn't do it without them}

Why Hello!!! Look who it is! Its me!! I'm back! I've had a few things hanging over my head on my to-do list that I just kept putting off. I knew that if I could put up a blog post, then I should be able to finish the things on my list! UGH! Finally they are done and just in time for Sadie Brays ten month celebration!! fewwfff, that was a close one! Unfortunately within this one month hiatus, Sadie Bray celebrated her nine month benchmark... and we totally missed it.. I didn't even take pictures. My bad. I'm sure this will often be the case with baby number two, three, four and five {wink, wink} so I shouldn't get down about it this time around. So here is it! 

HAPPY TEN MONTHS BABY GIRL!!

After my eight month post (and the reality that it just wasn't my favorite age) I knew i would eat my words for the next month... and i have, because THIS has been my favorite age!! OH MY little miss personality! As my grandpa would say "MY LAND-A-GOSHEN" shes cute... and funny... and opinionated... and a little ball of joy. Shes officially into everything and doesn't stop exploring all day long {i can tell shes even exploring in her sleep!! keep dreamin baby girl, dream big}

Naturally I didn't really think these monthly photos through very well because.. um.. getting a crawling baby to lie flat on their back and stay still for silly photo that mommy "MUST HAVE"... yeah right mom! I spent the better half of our afternoon chasing her around her room trying to get just one picture of her that would work. We got tons of other great shots (and plenty cock-eyed drooling ones), but an aerial shot was a challenge. We got it, but i think it took 67 frames! 

So for my record books, and your enjoyment {if you aren't just looking at the pictures and skipping the writing} Lets talk milestones! Shes all about waving! Its a delayed wave, you have to stand there a minute, but shes got it! and the double wave!! Of course shes pulling up and walking around our fabulous new coffee table. She discovered the dog bowls... especially the water bowl. And my personal favorite is when i do 'this' {if you were watching me you would see that I'm moving my fingers up and down over my lips making the blup-blup-blup-blup noise} then she copies me and follows it with clapping because she is so proud of herself! Pretty much makes me laugh every time! This list of greatness goes on and on! I look forward everyday to what we can teach her next! Shes a sponge and I'm loving it!

Before, when i took her monthly photos, i stood on a stool, making all sorts of goofy sounds trying to make her laugh.. well, we retired the stool this month. Every time i got up there she pulled up on it and started biting my toes.. yep, and they tasted delicious! That's my girl!

WE LOVE YOU LITTLE MAMMA!

{time to start planing your first birthday party}

I mean really... that face... 

{top: gap, tutu: etsy}

naked with a third arm

Its amazing how naked i feel when i go anywhere without Sadie Bray. Its like i want to wear a sign that says "mamma to a beautiful baby girl!" Its a pride thing, its a humbling thing.. its a love thing! Its like wearing the armor of God, only physically... I'm stronger with her! I'm not only stronger with her, but its the strangest thing, the second she was born i instantly sprouted a third arm! 

Now, don't be fooled by this magical third arm! Its a tricky little thing! As soon as you are alone without your little one, it disappears just as quickly as it came! i swear i am an absolute mess when i am at the grocery store by myself. When she's with me we are laughing, singing and playing games (along with constantly picking up the toys she throws on the ground) call me crazy, but i actually enjoy going to the store with her! i am almost positive that EVERY single time i have gone to the store alone i forget something on my list. There are only three explanations that i can come up with for this. First is the lack of my third arm (obviously). Second is that i have serious control issues and i think that no one can watch her as well as i can so i rush rush rush through the store so i can get back to her as soon as possible (gosh, this is so terrible and i desperately need to break those chains, for her sake and for mine). The third (and the reason i am sticking with) is that maybe she just brings me so much joy and peace, that having her as my sidekick is exactly what i need to slowdown and enjoy the world around me!! Singing silly songs that make her laugh like "don't forget the milk, don't forget the eggs, hi-ho the dario, you need the milk and eggs" Baby girl, you are SOOOO good for your mamma and i'd much rather have a third arm than walk around naked any day!! 

{thanks to aunt cc & all her wonderful toys, these adorable pictures from easter fit perfectly... i wish i was that clever!} 

root beer and ice cream

There is nothing my grandfather loved more than a good ole' fashioned hamburger paired with a large root beer and an ice cream cone. And that is exactly what he would have on his last day with us.

Knowing that my mom would be out of town the day of papas 93rd birthday, she and her sister decided to take him for an early celebration. You must know that we knew papa was on his last leg. His brain still sharp but his body was desperately needing to be free! Only getting out of bed for meals, it was a miracle in itself that they were able to get him to the car. But they did, so off they went to Dans Hamburgers. As he sat in the car they brought him his burger, curly fries and a root beer. And by golly it was so good he asked for a refill. They laughed and exchanged stories as they always did and when they were finished he still had the energy for an ice cream cone, so they went to his favorite spot, Dairy Queen! He savored every bite saying "I swear, DQ has the best soft serve in town." 

After dropping my aunt off, my mom and papa headed back so he could take a nap. She wheeled him into his room and leaned over to give him a kiss. Knowing she was headed to Israel on Sunday, he looked up at her with tears in his eyes and said "Debbie, you might just walk exactly where Jesus walked." She smiled big, gave him a hug and told him she loved him. A few hours later I got the call that he had passed in his sleep.

My brother, sister and I stayed up texting pictures and videos back and forth to each other. Each one bringing back memories of the most kind hearted man we ever knew. The man who needlepoint each of our Christmas stockings by hand, the man who told me he "always knew I had a screw loose" when one of the screws in my leg was coming unwound. The precious man that cried every time he prayed and every time he had to say goodbye. I can still hear his voice every time he left me a message "this is papa, you don't need to call me back" and always finished with "tell ever'body hi, love you." 

My parents are currently walking the steps of Jesus' ministry while our sweet Papa is walking beside Him in heaven. I bet they just finished a burger and are headed for an ice cream cone now! We love you Papa. Thank you for so many years and so many stories.

the perfect family

I have been wanting to write about the curse of comparison for a while. I believe it is the root of many many emotional discomforts and extremely prevalent in our social media society! From the baby that smiled perfectly with a sunset behind her flowing hair, or the late night dance party that you missed because you were up at 2am (and 4am and 6am) feeding your screaming newborn... we look at it all and secretly wish that was us. We love what we have, but we also want what they have. Now, I will be the first to admit, I post REALLY cute pictures of my baby girl and you can bet your butt that I didn't put up pictures of me when I thought I looked mega-pregnant and bloated. (this may be why many of you didn't think I gained 62 pounds.. I did, you just didn't get to see it) those photos are for my eyes only. (and motivation for my next pregnancy) 

I could sit here and try to express my thoughts about comparison but I think you will enjoy a post by a dear family friend of mine over on her blog. She couldn't have put it any better! Please please jump over and read it. I'll be here when you get back.

So here is my list of "I don'ts" 

-I don't unpack the day I get home from a trip

-I don't wear matching socks

-I don't do email

-I don't listen to voicemail

-I didn't make my 8 month old an Easter basket

-I wear my toenail polish till it grows out 

-I'm not proactive

-Things don't have "a place" in my house

-I don't have a clean car

-I'm not an organized person. PERIOD

-I don't always wash my hands every time I use the restroom. Sorry, 

    but I think I'm relatively careful when going, if I'm not, then I wash

-I didn't "just lose the baby weight" like they say (I've worked for every lb)

-I am not career driven (although I do considering raising children a full time job)

-I don't eat salads just to avoid calories

-I don't have self control when I have a zit ...POP

-I don't grow my own vegetables and herbs

-I don't think queso is bad for you

Now all that being said, I do believe in the power of building yourself up. Especially after waisting an hour (or two) comparing your life to that of the facebook/instagram world.

So here is my list of "I dos"

-I do have great hair

-I did go all out on my nursery

-I do capture cute moments on my camera (but thats what they are, moments, 

    not a video of my screaming, pooping, non-concealer wearing days)

-I do cook dinner for my husband during the week (most nights)

-I do have a morning routine (but nothing that compares to my sisters.. ugh, there I go again, comparing.. grrr)

-I'm ok with eating my words.. most of the time

Embrace what you don't do, love what you do do. Look for the beauty in the creativity of others and humble yourself daily. No one has the perfect life, job, baby or husband. Encourage and be honest with each other because thats what we all really need. xoxo

WHAT ARE YOUR DO'S AND DON'TS?

If you were to look at my phone eight months ago you would see a lot of selfies and a TON of pictures of Joe 3. I pretty much captured everything he did. From working in the yard, scrapping metal, playing guitar and just looking extra cute.. I've got it all. Because I'm a little obsessed with him. :) Not that my obsession has lessened, but lets be honest, a cute baby typically outweighs a grown man with a mustache. So without further adieu, I give you life according to my iphone...